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flame of passion... BURNING HOT...circle of life May 20 WhirlpoolWoh... Again it's been months since i updated this blog...
let's see wat shld we discuss today, glad that this is some kind of hidden thingy. since not many people will realize the existence of this thingy.
I have this mixed feeling. It all got clumped up together and distracts me.
Everytime I had some outrageous things happened in my life, I guess I would have this kind of emotion.
Things happened to be good actually, but it might not turn out what you desired. Well, I guess I have tried hard enough, it might just not my cup of tea, but i guess i'm still leaving some spaces for it to grow, can't wait what will happen next.
Nerves got me down actually. It somehow controls myself for being a Mr Bree Van de Kamp. I'm not saying I'm as tidy as her, but my emotion is like goes through layers of filters before it's expressed. I began to run. I began to run towards the comfort zone, instead of the place/things i should take care of. But after a deep thought, maybe i shouldnt be like this anymore. I hope to be opened up for anyone who has got a thing on me. But then i guess, it wouldnt be easy, and 'when' is a major prob. Do u think i enjoy the feeling of being left out?? Nope... But i know, i make that happened. Sigh... How should I fix this... I have no idea. The filters are still within myself, I can tried to go all out and split it out, but it seems less attractive.
I opened up my school's webpage juz a minute ago, and the column of final result has appeared. I have no idea when or where im gonna see the result, especially the feeling accompanied before and after looking at the result. Nevertheless, i hope it wont turn out to be some cash thing, as i hope that this academic thing would not be solved by cash. Please dont make it happen. I swear I would eat less to cover up the expenses on that. Please God... Help me this time, and I know i was wrong. Help me get through this please. PLEASE!!!
The idea of still being a dumb in the age of 21 really works on me. I have no talent, no special ability, no special hobby, just nothing. I'm a plain water whereby people might just taste it and forget about it. Yeah exactly, plain water is me, what a nice description. What makes a great failure for a human? emotionLESS... WOW... thats hard huh... how could someone be emotionLESS... yes it might have, might as well the one you guys are reading right now. Dignity?? The word i learned from Bree today, does it so important? Oh come on... I know that deep in my heart im not a person like this, but my emotion would just control everything, and hardly anyone or anything would mend this idea.
Why God did not give a special things on me, so that i could utilize it wisely... I have spent years telling myself i dun wanna be an ordinary person, but why it ended up like this?? I dunno what happened on me, but i kinda feel the old me... the old person which got teased, laughed, humiliated but he's able to laugh out loud and walk straight and speak loudly. And since when this trapped and silent mode has been switched on in myself. How could i activate myself back? or im just not a person like this? so that no one loves me no one likes me and no one ever cares about me???!!! so that everyone can just abandone and leave out me like this??? I used to be the one who walks the first and since when now im the one who walks at the back of everyone else and people can hardly even notice whether am i present or not???!! since when and why this would happen???
I have no idea why im so bitching for this issue, it's just an issue that i cant solve. it's like a whirlpool, makes me drowned, even deeper now.
And yes, why i wrote such a long post? It's to eliminate your patience and to close this web, coz im juz talking to myself. and hell yeah, i got better for typing this thing out. April 25 Looking BackI have this blog since february 2006.
I have been consistently updating this blog, let say... Each month i'll at least update once...
Looking back at all those posts i have written..
Tak boleh percaya langsung la... I tulis semua benda yang berfakta and meaningful posts...
 I admit la... Some posts which resemble a poem, are just some words describing my feelings towards certain things...
Things to be learned for writing blog : Add in photos and write something people can understand.
Ehem ehem... hope to write things closely related to everyone. So that you guys can keep looking at my blog. Hahahaha...
 Nothing much during these few weeks, all about study study study....
You wanna hear stories about my study week...??
NAH... it's just a boring story...
I don't intend to say anything as well...
But let say study week consists of:
Incidents & Who/What to blame
1. Sushi King (Elva Yap, who ask u got membership card and wanna ask me along,
 )2. Mahjong (Jeff Lau, cannot tahan with this gambler...)
3. Hong Kong Drama (My mom, she keeps asking me to watch with her)
4. Korean Drama named Six children (My mom, she likes to watch it and my study place is nearby the living room...)
5. MSN Chatting (Elva Yap, work time still wanna kacau me... sigh~~~)
6. Working aka Teaching ($$$, money is an evil thingy...)
7. Goddamned long hair of mine (Exam, if not i early early go and cut and dye lor)
8. Facebook!! (FB founder... everytime i on my comp sure log into FB 1st)
9. Temptations like Coming Soon(movie), CheongK, Vacations, and of course... the shopping list.
10. HOT!!!!!! (The earth citizen lor... if not why now so hot...)
All the 10 things = Final~~ Certified!! Cant rescue anymore...
 Haha... guys, dun think that im a guy who likes to blame blame and blame...
infact i can even zip my mouth when i'm being insulted... Blah~ thats another story...
Expectation towards my final: NONE, jangan mati sudah baik, as i said.. 垂死地挣扎，也算挣扎过..
Nitez everyone~~
April 09 叶子叶子，能展翅高飞吗？
春夏秋冬，四季变换，林叶中随风奏起骊歌。
生老病死，一世坎坷，人生里随波掀起涟漪。
叶子跟着音符翩翩起舞，
渴望的是飞翔的那一刻。
那一刻也印证着叶子离去的那一天。
但这一切已经不重要了，
因为它勇敢地茂绿过，
没遗憾了。
天寒地冻，
天空飘浮着白茫茫的雪，
轻轻地散落在脆弱的音符上。
澎湃的音乐不再奏起。
试图用仅存的力量唤醒叶子，
但再多的情感，叶子也不能像花一样开花，结果。
留着那奄奄一息，
任凭那风雪摧残。
April 08 Know1ng, 阿桑, Danau KotaFew hours ago, I just had a terrible exam.
It was really a terrible one. I admit that I did something... 'unusual' during the test...
However, just get rid of it... Let bygone be bygone...
But then after that, my gang and I have decided to go for a movie to release the stress which has been accumulated for WEEKS... due to the crazy tests and tests and tests... and we heard of know1ng is not bad, so decided to have a look at it.
Indeed, that movie is superb. I can't close my mouth after watching scene after scene. The aircrash, subway and the SUN... the whole thing is magnificient. The plot, sound system, character, so on and so forth... This is the best movie so far within a year or two... What inspired me the most from this movie is we do really have to love the mother earth. We won't know what could happen at the next moment. Yes, from the plot, the Earth is vanished due to the radiation from the Sun. But indeed, everyone of us knows what is happening right now to the earth. I do not want myself to win a Nobel peace prize or wat... since i do not do the best i could as the earth citizen... But i guess at lest i'm trying... to be a responsible earth citizen.
Secondly, when it comes to the end of the movie, i guess it touched some parts on religion, instead Christianity. One of my friends dont get it why this movie has religious part to be included. But I guess it was alright. I guess this movie has some kind of indirect message that tries to deliver to everyone. I think, not everyone likes this kind of movie, but i have to say this is the type of movie that I really like. It inspired me a lot, and of course... a lot of WOW too...
Few hours before i watch know1ing, i just randomly got to know that another great composer/singer had just passed away. If this is a tribute to her, allow me to write in chinese.
阿桑一直是我很欣赏的一位歌手。显然不是偶像迷的我，对阿桑存在着一种特殊的感觉。她的低音，真的是非常的舒服。当知道她患上乳癌而去世后，真的很感叹。他享
年34岁。真的很年轻，真的很遗憾。只是希望她在天国，能好好地度过。阿桑，安息吧。
After i got home from pavilion, i heard from my cousin, saying that there is another murder case happened at danau kota. same old story, a chinese killed an indian, due to... i guess is some kind of quarrel... and of course this has to be together with alcohol. So, whoever stays there... or anywhere near Setapak.. please be aware and be careful of this kind of incidents. People are crazy nowadays.
 Go and watch this movie ya!!!
Good nitez every1...
March 22 堡垒感触颇深，
庆幸自己有回家的机会， 庆幸自己有很疼爱我的父母， 回家的感觉真好。 家有如坚固的堡垒， 耸立着，宛如一双大手掌， 为我避风挡雨，劈走流言蜚语，令我心灵安稳。 最近真的疲惫不堪， 感觉上做什么事情都办不好， 精神压力真的好大， 原因不是太担心或是太紧张， 反而是有一种无形的负担， 层层叠叠压在我肩上，脑子也越来越沉重。 是时候脱胎换骨了， 是时候摆脱过去荒废的自己， 是时候努力了， 不管生命里有什么挫折， 压力， 毁谤， 八卦， 种种不开心的事， 也要勇敢地活下去， 战胜一切，把胜利握在手里，是最安全的。 这一切一切， 也得要有一个避风港， 在这里， 沉淀与休息。 游子们，有回家的机会，一定要把握与珍惜。 February 28 终 。火化终于，来到最终回了。
心如止水，
心如刀割，
淌不出血。
原来世上有这么样的
一种人，
不安与旁徨，
足以令人窒息。
我尝试踮高趾尖，
深呼吸，
迎来的只是那失望的气流。
往下的梯式心情，
一步一步,
一层一层，
一点一滴，
回去原点，
仿佛是过眼云烟。
曾与你素谋未面，
曾与你笑中有泪，
曾与你谈笑风生，
如今，
友情二字，写得如此难堪，沉重。
一再地让那阴天笼罩着，
坚持着持续在雨中撑伞，
盼望着抛开那把伞，
在阳光底下笑着，
换来的只是
阴天的微风，
那冷冽的风，
盼它带走一切
那他妈的
灰心的回忆。
从尘土中高贵地飞身躺下，
你有如垃圾，
在我手里随手火化。
February 08 I think this is a crap.No chinese words this time.
I dunno what i'll write again, perhaps those sad things in chinese, as it would be more convenient to express in chinese. Dun wanna be so expressive sometimes.
I guess I transformed a lot, in this year, from the Jan. Physically or mentally, willingly or unwillingly.
Life goes on, no one can stay at his own place and live at his own pace. Else survival of the fittest will disqualify you from playing this game on the earth.
I kinda hate my 2008 me. But however, it's gone, forever. No point discussing it, a brighter future aheads, a busy life aheads. For my study, I'm struggling, so hard so hard so hard, as i must say I have no BAKAT in science. You can actually see I'm chitchatting or sleeping in the class. I'm definitely no like this during my high school years. But I guess it was too much for me, and I need to absorb it bit by bit. As to my friends too, whenver they have a shocking news, they do really wan to put me at the edge of my nerve. Do you think that I can really handle that?? Well, I will try, no matter what.
When I'm alone, I tend to be more sentimental, while if i'm together with other people, I dunwanna other people to be sentimental. If you think you are a closed friend of mine, then you are the one who usually speak a lot than me. Coz I'm a SUCKSSS person in chatting. Always comes to a dead end in the conversation. Thats why i like to listen, listen what other people talk, it's more interesting for me, at least.
Whoever out there, whatever you are doing, keep it up, and strike to the best. if u need my help, just gimme a call or pm me. This is because i wanna be a better person, dun wish to be a nerd. I hate people calling me nerd. I dun wan it.
My fren, Jeff Lau Jun Tean has entered to a camp organised by 8TV. it's actually a pre-show training. The show is called 终极天团 meaning to say it's a singing competition, but it's in groups. The show will air in march, hope that you can support him. Since he has left the company, i find quite boring working now, no one to joke at.
But then one pretty is coming to teach oledi, still feel so berdebar debar hati when i saw her. But she's still hook up with her current bf. So... nothing la...
Next sunday it would be a busy day for me, since the day before is a formal school day, so i will have to replace my tuition class on sunday. Then after that I will have to meet someone who forced me to meet him de. No choice lo, >.< Then have a birthday celebration soon also. cant even join the roadshow for the 8TV 终极天团 coz have to work.
Thats all for tonite la, juz wanna find something to do to spend the night. I was teaching for 5 hours just now, and before this i have GENETICS extra class at school. I should be very tired but not rili, maybe because I am feeling really good these few days. And i just got PAID.... haha...
K, nitez...
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